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No more elections, oh goody

Half past ten. I'm walking through Rusholme, it's drizzly and freezing. The count has started, I think. To kill time, I return my Grass book to the library. Then I go to the union and pick up a copy of Student Direct. That arrogant Tory twat Garvan Walshe has upset people again, even though the guy who wanted JSoc to be banned is a cocktrolley. The count hasn't started, bugger! Lauren's up there. No one else is...oh, here's Anan and some women from ISoc. They're setting up the tables in MR1. Some poor counter gets stuck in the lift, luckily the doors work when she comes back up. Where the hell is Matthew?
Eleven o'clock. The count is starting. It's the Disability Secretary, but Lorena's the only person standing, no probs there. Matthew turns up, realises he's in for a wait, goes to get some food. Lauren buys tea. I read Student Direct and sit in the room watching the count. I have Landeskunde. Bugger it. I'm not going. Matthew comes back. We discuss his chances of winning. He thinks he'll lose, marginally. I say it could go either way. Matthew continues to do his Eeyore act. More Jews and Ciaran Ward, the other gentile who's supporting Matthew, turn up. We all sit inside, eat chips and beans, talk about Israeli rock and Garvan. I still think he's an arrogant fool, but JSoc like him because he's pro-Israel.
Midday. Lorena wins, quelle surprise. Matthew's count starts. I keep a close watch on his pile. Yaseer Khair, the Muslim, has a pretty big one. Rastogis, the other candidate, has a little crappy one. Khair and Matthew are almost neck and neck. One of the counter heaps a pile of papers onto Matthew's pile. I hold my breath. The Jews look terrified. Jon Levy comes in, sticks his head out of the window. Khair's pile is still looking big, but Matthew's is growing. Ant, the token Swizz guy, is giving me the evils, I think. He's sitting with ISoc. Khair isn't here. One of the counters is messing with a calculator. I sit and talk to the Jews about stuff. Sam talks about her football match. I ask Jennie Bailey what's going on, she says they're counting the second preferences. EGADS! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO TAKE SO BLEEDING LONG? My heartrate goes up by about 20 beats. Matthew seems pretty calm.
12:45. The counter's writing the results down onto paper. I catch a glimpse...Matthew's winning! Now it's being totted up onto the chart. Jennie winks at me. I have a feeling that...she's reading the count...Rastogis is eliminated...we're on the second round...Jennie reads Khair and Matthew's results...Matthew's won! There's uproar. Matthew yells, "YEESSSSS!" The Jews go wild, I start crying, everyone hugs each other. Ant gives me the evils. Matthew gets his phone out and texts everyone. More Jews (and Garvan, the cock himself) come in.
And there we have it - the biggest surprise of the election. The Jewish candidate, who Swizz hate, who's up against someone from ISoc, wins. This certainly made up for Tori losing Pop Idol (not that the winner was crap, she was a cabaret singer from Stoke called Charlie who had lessons under her belt)! Steve, Joe, Wade and this gay guy called Tom had to be her backing dancers. Steve was wearing his Tesco uniform. Oh boy.
Ner ner ner ner ner, Swizz.
I just hope I get the LGBT secretary position! No more elections, now I can sleep in peace and only worry about the bleeding Grass essay.
Steve's birthday is in 3 days. And we still haven't bought him anything, oh smeg.