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A year in the life of me

Lottie celebrates New Year’s Eve in the Krazyhouse with Chloe, Pete and his minging friend Gareth, who Chloe does not fancy, despite Pete trying to set them up together. Melanie reapplies to Oxfam for the job of deputy manager; David Jones the area manager has an evil plan to put Katherine (manager of Frodsham Street) in charge of both shops and have two deputies. Lottie also applies for the job. Wishful thinking. Lottie joins Courtney Love’s insane messageboard, Kittyradio, under the name of Kobrakai. Elsewhere in Cyberdom, Welsh Dave writes a moronic piss-take of an Eminem song asking Lottie to be nice to him. Lottie discovers, after watching it during a stoning session with Pete, that The Usual Suspects is her favourite film of all time.

It’s an historic event: the beginning of Lottie’s Livejournal, and a rotten month for Lottie when Pete dumps her over MSN – a week before Valentine’s Day. Talk about crap timing! Paul is fantastically supportive. Meanwhile, Lottie spends obscene amounts of time at Oxfam, because no-one will employ her, apart from Bartlett and Son Solicitors (no relation of stepdad, thank god) where she works as a receptionist, likewise Gifford and Partners, which is a quality surveyor or something boring. Meanwhile, tensions are rising in Iraq as the US prepares to go to war. Jack starts trend of bringing cake to Loves. Sadly, the cakes contain chocolate, not drugs. Or do they? Melanie loses her job at Oxfam; Lottie, Gina, Kirstie, Jen and pretty much everyone else are distraught. However, there’s good news for Lottie when she gets promoted (yes, it does happen in a charity shop) to weekend supervisor.

It’s an all-out war on the Space site when the mods criticise Lottie’s Spacefan Awards 2003, Billy gets mad and complains, his posts are deleted and the mods eventually kick him off the site. Avril Lavigne becomes the official Kittyradio hate target. But more serious things are afoot: while wars of words are waged on websites, the USA finally goes and declares war on Iraq. The UK joins in. Tony Blair becomes unpopular with many Old Labour voters, including Lottie’s mum. Lottie and Paul both demonstrate against the war; Lottie goes to the crappy little Chester protest, where abuse is hurled at her, while Paul of course gets one over and goes to the London one. System Of A Down will later feature it in a video and Paul will gloat, “I was there!” On the day of the demo, Lottie, Gina, Kirstie and Zoe take Andy and Melanie out for a meal and give her a Marilyn Monroe bag and a card as a thank-you present. Lottie is still having problems finding a job. Clare Quinn returns from Thailand, sans Greg who is hanging out in Oz with some other elitist twats. Lottie wins two tickets on Ebay for her and Rob to see Sugababes. It’s also a month of heartache: Vicky and Donna, Paul and Jilly, and – shock horror – Emily and Jack all split up.

After getting beaten up by her evil scally boyfriend Paul, Lottie’s stepsister Nicky and her kid Georgia move in. They will live in the house for the rest of the year, driving Lottie, her mum and Jon (eventually) up the wall. Gina gets a terrible shock when her house is burnt down, thanks to thick Spanish students arsing around with oil candles. Luckily, no one dies but the house is ruined. Gina and Aidey move in with Simon. Emily and Jack get back together again, much to Lottie’s disgust. Lottie gets a job as a data entry dogsbody in Legal Marketing Services, typing endless names, phone numbers, bank accounts and whatnot on a screen. Then she gets moved to Hateley’s Legal Costs Assessors in Liverpool, working first as a post sorter and then – due to a mix-up – ends up working as a fax clerk, a job so mind-numbingly dull that she will not write about it here. Lottie celebrates her 19th birthday in the City Bar with Rob, before getting wasted on absinthe in Revolution and ‘aving it at Loves. Oxfam becomes a second hand shop, with two new deputies, Alison and Steph. Lottie and Gina decide they prefer Melanie.

Glastonbury sells out, much to Lottie’s disappointment; Paul is taken on as a steward there, the jammy fucker. He will gloat about this endlessly when he comes home. Rob and Lottie celebrate his 18th birthday in the City Bar, watching AC Milan. Lottie’s love life takes a turn for the better when she goes on a blind date with Adam Burley (brother of Fiona, the hyperactive ginger woman from Oxfam who had a bit of a crush on Paul), who is a fundamentalist Christian and knows a scary amount of things about Muse. Adam dumps her the next day but then they get back together. Lottie causes a minor controversy amongst her friends by finally getting her fifth piercing – the notorious clitoral hood ring, a la Christina Aguilera and Janet Jackson. And it bloody killed, too.

Lottie gets the push from Hateley’s after two months, at the last bloody minute as well, and goes back to LMS but then gets the push from there for accidentally sending a rude email to the directors! Adam makes her a 4 CD Muse compilation as a sign of his love for her. Awwwww. Lottie and Rob go to see Space in Manchester Life Café and briefly get to meet Tommy, Yorkie and the mods. Unfortunately, due to having new jobs the next day in Spar and an environmental company respectively, Rob and Lottie have to leave before Neighbourhood – but not until Lottie gets her fix of Franny playing the melodica! After taking her for a walk by the Dee, trying to finger fuck her and sucking her off, Adam decides to dump Lottie. Lottie is furious and gives Jack her Muse CDs. Little brothers have their uses sometimes. Jilly and Paul get back together, claiming to be fuckbuddies, but there’s one catch – unlike most fuckbuddies, eg Lottie and the one she had last year (some people who know me might know who it is but I won’t name him for privacy reasons), they don’t have sex! Barry White dies. Cousin Tom is gutted.

Gina turns 22 and celebrates with Aidey, Lottie and various others (Melanie can’t make it because Andy is being a cock) in Caffe Uno. Lottie introduces her to Loves and amazingly, she doesn’t try to escape after five minutes. Even Benny Benassi doesn’t put her off. She also finally gets Lottie to watch Fight Club. Lottie loves it but wishes she hadn’t known before that Jack and Tyler Durden are the same man. Lottie gets questions featured on the Space site; when Franny gets her question about his guitar ability he laughs and says, “I bet you I know who asked this one!” (This gets a mention because Lottie got a shock from hearing this. Yes, I am sad.) Lottie gets tonsillitis, but is consoled by the joys of downloading on Kazaa Lite.

Chloe and Lottie go to the Ladyfest/Big Issue warm up in Liverpool. Lottie meets the guitarist out of the Suffrajets – who she will later see in December – and tells her she’s “the best guitarist I’ve ever seen”. Lottie pulls a Rob lookalike called Mike in Loves; a week later she has to endure his hideous 18th birthday party, complete with drunken relatives and tacky shit music. It’s the sort of party Peter Kay would have done a stand-up show about. Mike refers to Lottie as his girlfriend (“First I’ve heard of it” thinks Lottie), but later tells her he isn’t ready for a relationship, after threatening to follow her to Reading. Lottie is relieved as she doesn’t fancy him anyway. Now we come to the highlight of Lottie’s year – she stewards at the Reading festival and gets to meet a crowd of Kittyradio nutters, including the legendary Spasticaguy, camp on the swanky guest campsite and eat proper food rather than the overpriced crap they sell in the arena. She misses Blur, cries like a small child during System’s set, and discovers Boy Sets Fire, Cave-In, Sparta and various other bands. If you want all the details, read earlier in the journal, you lazy twat.

Lottie drops the I out of her name and becomes Lotte again, a spelling she hasn’t used since she was five. Her excuse is “Meh, I’m a German student and it sounds more German.” She finally parts company with Rob and becomes a student of Spanish and yes, German at Manchester University. After seeing the Deftones at Wembley – the best gig of the year which isn’t Reading – Lotte meets the seven people who will be living with her for a year – Steve, Duncan, Birgall, Miriam, Ange, Tori and Joe. The flat spend the week singing Beyonce with spoons, drinking copious amounts of vodka and Baileys, annoying Flat 35 and befriending everyone in sight. Lotte joins nine societies, including the notorious Socialist Worker Student Society, affectionately known as Swizz. Jilly leaves Paul again, this time for a woman. Gina finally gets to see Maynard James Keenan in the flesh, after missing A Perfect Circle before the Deftones came on (noooooo!) She is very happy.

Lotte misses the march against top-up fees, much to her annoyance. Miriam and Steve get to go instead, and fortunately Steve doesn’t skive off to see his parents. Things get nasty when Steve and Lotte have a massive argument in the kitchen, but everything gets sorted eventually. Duncan and Lotte both get laid – Duncan at the house of some girl he met in M2, Lotte in Flat 32 with Sean (the flat’s resident annoying left wing student). They shag to Space and Lotte becomes the butt of various jokes in her flat. Lotte goes to see Lostprophets and Super Furry Animals. Idiots in Flat 32 become unpopular with the upstairs flats when they decide it would be hilarious to go and hit people’s doors with sticks. The flat visit a block party where Lotte meets a tall skinny Irish socialist called Owen who looks like Tommy Scott. They exchange phone numbers, and are officially a couple the week after. Lotte and Rob hook up in Chester; after a month of screwing around, Rob gets his shit together and gets a girlfriend, Sarah.

Lotte goes to see Wicker play their final gig as she knows them (no more Superhuman – boo!) She acquires a bizarre Northern accent with no idea how it got there. She and Owen are still going out; she takes his virginity the day after Halloween, and they get it on on Flat 37’s kitchen table. They win the Kro Bar pub quiz, see Kill Bill and the Matrix Revolutions and Michael Moore together. Michael Moore inspires Owen to join Lotte on the march in London to protest against Dubya’s visit. The protest is massive, although not as big as the one in March. Owen wins tickets on Ebay to see Radiohead, but tragically, gives Lotte the push on the day of the gig. Lottie goes mental, cuts herself and sees Radiohead alone. Lotte’s obsession with Space comes to an end when Franny has a go at her on the Space site, calling her ‘ungrateful’ for saying she didn’t like the latest in the Music For Aliens series. Lotte declares her hatred of Franny and writes a huge diatribe against him on her site. At Club Moose, Lotte and Steve meet up with Owen and fortunately the Irishman and the Englishwoman do not end up in a fight. Owen finds it hilarious that Lotte’s ancestors are Orangemen. Duncan and Lotte go to watch Muse; Lotte later discovers that Jo was there and she didn’t see her. Bugger. There’s more romance in the flat: Joe pulls his hugely tall boyfriend, Wade, while performing Bring It On routines in the street after a night at M2, and Steve gets it on with a woman who is called Lottie and scarily enough also studies languages. But not German and Spanish, thank god. That would be just too scary. Donna and Clare get together, much to Vicky’s disgust.

After a mad night of drinking wine at Elemental, Tori throws up all over Flat 35’s bathroom while declaring her love for Philosophy Phil. She also breaks the bog seat. Lotte fears that Owen has made her pregnant, which makes things more than a little awkward when she bumps into him at the Oak House Christmas Party. However, she tests negative, much to her relief. Angry students, including Lotte and Matt, a Jewish sexgod from HARM, protest against top-up fees on the Union steps. Flats 33 and 34 join together for a Christmas party, food provided by Miriam, and Tori heads home to Nigeria. Lotte returns to Chester and discovers that Paul and Jilly are back together again, despite Paul’s lack of a cunt and tits. Vicky is acting like a complete arsehole towards Clare and Donna. Lotte returns home to Chester to see Paul, Gina, Rob etc. again. Gary Jules gets the Christmas Number One with Mad World – ha ha, Pop Idol!

The Livejournal Soundtrack:
The entire Angels With Dirty Faces album – Sugababes (25/2/03)
Tribute – Tenacious D (2/3/03)
Beautiful – Christina Aguilera (4/3/03)
Lose Yrself – Eminem (5/3/03)
Dy-Na-Mi-Tee – Ms Dynamite (7/3/03)
Cry Me A River – Justin Timberlake (11/3/03)
You Fake It You Make It – Angelica (16/3/03)
Fell In Love With A Girl – White Stripes (26/3/03)
Tainted Love – My Ruin (4/4/03)
Beauty Fiend – My Ruin (26/4/03)
Lapdance – NERD (1/6/03)
Dirrty – Christina Aguilera (16/6/03)
Hella Good – No Doubt (5/7/03)
No Ordinary Love – Deftones (6/7/03)
The Man’s Dollar – Northern State (9/7/03)
Diamonds And Guns – Transplants (17/7/03)
Prison Song – System Of A Down (18/7/03)
Rockstar Boyfriends – Tuuli (23/7/03)
Overload – Sugababes (5/8/03)
I Like Birds – Eels (7/8/03)
Schism – Tool (7/8/03)
Get Yr Hands Off My Woman – The Darkness (10/8/03)
The Dreaming – Kate Bush (12/9/03)
Gold Dust Woman – Hole (17/9/03)
Anchor – Cave-In (18/11/03)
PLUCK – System Of A Down (22/11/03)
I’m An Asshole – Dennis Leary (8/12/03)
The Fine Art Of Falling – Boy Sets Fire (11/12/03)
God Put A Smile Upon Yr Face – Coldplay (13/12/03)