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Big Mouth Strikes Again

I hate myself so much right now, to quote Kelis (sort of). I am so bloody tactless. Takesy and me worked together in Oxfam today and I have a feeling I made him feel like shite. I can't help it, the split with Jilly brought back memories of when I had my heart broken by two guys who were both very special to me. Somehow I ended up telling him about my sex life. When I had one, that is.
I care a lot about what people think of me, especially in some cases, and Takesy is one. I like him a lot, but because he's so clever and nice and funny and interesting, and just generally a better person than me, I feel small and insignificant in comparison to him, and I suppose a little bit in awe of him as well. It's weird cos I got the same feeling when I went to meet Space - that feeling of being almost afraid of someone cos of the effect they have on you. It's ridiculous - Takesy's not famous, he's just a guy I went to school with who happens to have a few nice qualities, yet I'm in awe of him, and when I meet someone who I am in awe of and immensely admire I'm nervous and try to cover this up by shooting my mouth off.
I just want him to like me, dammit. I want to earn his respect. I don't want him to hate me and think I'm weird and stupid and up my own arse. I just find speaking so damn hard, it's the autism. Sometimes I can never say what I truly think or feel, sometimes I shoot my mouth off and then wish I'd never said it. I want to talk to Takesy like a normal person but I can't. I don't know what he thinks of me, and I'm not sure I really want to.
But why am I self-pitying when war has been finally declared in Iraq? What more is there to say? Despite the opposition of nearly everyone in Britain, with a few exceptions, it went ahead. Even some of the bloody cabinet are opposed - Robin Cook has resigned! I am shocked, angry and scared. Very scared. Of the repercussions that it will have on the Iraqi people - and what if there's a nuclear war? With a trigger-happy fool like Bush at the reins it could well be. And if they depose Saddam...it's not that simple. What will happen then? Will a corrupt US-sponsored dictator be installed? Hope not. I don't trust him and I fear for our future and the future of Iraq. Thousands will be made homeless and hungry. Children will lose their parents, parents will lose their children, soldiers' lives will be wasted. And for what? All because of some weapons inspections and a few lies on Saddam's behalf. Even Iraq saying they would dismantle some of their arsenal didn't stop Bush. I don't want to sound a) facetious or b) like a prophet of doom, but if he wants another September 11th-style attack, he's going the right way about it.
I have never felt so ashamed to be British.