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It's harder than it sounds, but I had a go just for fun. First three are Naruto, last two are Bleach.


1. Kittie - Paperdoll
Keep your mind on the job.

Hikawa Hyuuga clung to the pole, bit her lip and threw her head back. Out of the corner, she could see Shiba shaking her arse at the audience, while Chouyomi gripped her own pole between her meaty thighs. At least she was not alone. The Konoha Bitch Posse being there made it more bearable. That way, if it got nasty, they could all fight their way out – not that she was incapable of handling a load of drunken men on her own, a Kaiten would sort them out, but having other girls there gave her a bit of extra confidence.

Her grandfather had not been happy about sending her on this mission, but Shikaku-sama had put his foot down. A kunoichi with such excellent taijutsu and tracking abilities would be an asset, he'd said, and anyway he'd spoken to her mum and she hadn't minded. After all, Hanabi had done this sort of thing herself in the past.

She swung round the pole, dark hair flying everywhere.

2. Shiro Sagisu - Soundscape To Ardour
Temari heard a sharp intake of breath from Chouji. Chouza and Taki were also staring, their mouths hanging open.

Shikamaru had returned, and Inoichi, Shiba and Chouyomi with him. Chouyomi's head was bowed, her hair undone. As soon as she saw her father, she charged towards him, threw her arms round his neck and buried her head in his shoulder.

Taki was about to run up to Chouyomi herself, but Chouza laid a hand on her shoulder and gently said, “Don't.” And Taki understood. She stood back, hands in pockets, and watched as her mother and father hugged each other. Then she heard Shikamaru say, “Oh, come here,” and let him hug her and ruffle her hair, just as he had done when she was a kid.

3. Space and Cerys Matthews - The Ballad Of Tom Jones
Tori Akimichi banged her staff on the ground.

“This has got to stop. Now.”

Two confused faces looked up at her.

“She's right, you know,” said Akiko Inuzuka grimly. “The two of you are absolutely terrible for each other, and it's getting stupid. How the hell are either of you going to be fit for missions when you're trying to kill each other?”

“But, Mum,” Tsume began.

“Don't 'but, Mum' me,” snarled Akiko. “This shit has gone on long enough. Even the Third thinks you two should be separated.”

Chouza opened his mouth to speak, but Tori clamped her hand over it. “No,” she barked. “Don't you fucking start. You and Tsume are henceforth banned from seeing each other. Don't think I don't know how you got those scars on your back.”

“Scars?” asked Akiko. “Let me see.” Tori slid her son's jacket down his shoulders. A mass of red welts crisscrossed Chouza's broad back.

Akiko turned to Tsume. “Did you do this to him?”

“He did this to me!” Tsume retorted, pointing at the cast on her leg. “The fat bastard picked me up and threw me into a wall!”

“Only after you'd mauled the shit out of me!” Chouza shouted back. “I was protecting myself!”

Akiko bared her fangs. Tori expanded her body, grabbed Chouza and Tsume by their throats, and held them at arm's length.

That. Is. Enough. Now, promise me you'll never see each other again. And you had better mean it, because if you continue this relationship and Akiko or I find out, there will be trouble.”

Chouza and Tsume mumbled apologies. They knew their mothers well enough to know that Tori wasn't kidding. Tori loosened her grip, and the two shinobi fell to the floor.

4. Space - Dark Clouds
Somehow, Ichigo and his friends had managed to secure tickets to Mexico. It was Chad's doing – an old mate of his Abuelo had set up the trip as a thankyou to Chad for single-handedly beating up a gang of deliquents.

And somehow, Rukia had ended up coming with them. Captain Ukitake had given her permission, saying she probably needed a break and to bring him back some sweeties, presumably to give to Captain Hitsugaya.

He lay on his front and allowed Orihime to massage sunblock into his shoulders. She'd insisted, saying, “You'll look like a lobster if you don't cover up, Kurosaki-kun.” Then she'd gone into daydreams about giant lobsters taking over the earth, until Tatsuki had dragged her off for a swim. The two of them were arsing around in the sea, Orihime squealing as Tatsuki splashed her. Uryuu had declined to join them, instead preferring to sit in the shade and read his crappy magical girl manga.

Rukia procured a watermelon, and Ichigo had presumed she was going to whip out Sode no Shirayuki and chop it in half, but instead Tatsuki karate-chopped it. Rukia did, however, provide ice cubes.

It was so nice, Ichigo thought, not to have to worry about bloody Hollows or Soul Society for once.

5. Randy Newman - Short People
Hitsugaya was this close to biting Captain Aizen's ankles. He was the third captain to have nearly tripped over Hitsugaya this week.

“I'm so sorry,” said Captain Aizen sweetly, as Captain Ichimaru smirked in the background. “I didn't see you there, Captain Hitsugaya.”

Yeah, right, thought Hitsugaya. Captain Kyoraku and Captain Komamura had said almost exactly the same thing to him. He could have sworn he heard Captain Aizen laugh. Captain Ichimaru had definitely laughed.

He'd been this close to turning Lieutenant Abarai into an ice lolly when he had drunkenly called Hitsugaya 'shortarse'. Luckily, Captain Kuchiki had made him apologise. Then there was the constant offer of sweeties from Captain Ukitake. And then the countless times when his own lieutenant had been drunk and picked him up, almost smothering him with her ridiculous breasts, and whenever they'd been in the human world and she'd tried to take him into bars with her, and he'd either been refused entry or been made to sit in the corner with a lemonade and a packet of crisps.

Even Momo was at it, dammit. He had to keep reminding her he was a captain. And that redheaded girl who was friends with Ichigo Kurosaki had even ruffled his hair.

Truly, Hitsugaya thought, it was no fun being the youngest captain in Soul Society.

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Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
sanee_ftw
Jan. 2nd, 2012 08:45 pm (UTC)
I fucking love these. I tried writing a Shika/Neji ONCE in two minutes and it was just crap. And me gusta your OOCs. The first one is my favorite. Reminds me of this fic in which Sakura and Kakashi are sent to investigate missing women, all from whorehouses.
night_owl_9
Jan. 2nd, 2012 09:34 pm (UTC)
I want to try this meme! :D
hokuton_punch
Jan. 3rd, 2012 02:17 am (UTC)
Hee, these are all great! Poor tiny Hitsugaya. XD I really love the vacation one, too - poor Ichigo & Co. need a beach trip (with no watermelon monsters). The Naruto ones are all lovely!
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )