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Only 2 weeks of uni to go...

Exes In Order Of How Much I Hate Them:
1) Adam Burley (bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard)
2) Owen Rafferty (has now decided he doesn't like me - back at you, fucker)
3) Pete Wood (indifferent)
4) Danny Parker (still friends)
5) Rob Taylor (still best friends)
(Oddly enough, Danny and Rob are the two people I had casual relationships with. Go figure.)

5 Shooters That I Drank In Glass Before We Went To The Queen Of Tards For Annie's Birthday:
1) Pierced Nipple (grenadine, Sambuca, Baileys)
2) Squashed Frog (grenadine, Midori, Baileys)
3) Dead Kennedy (Triple Sec, grenadine, Baileys)
4) Dennis The Menace (grenadine, Baileys, black Sambuca)
5) French Kiss (Curacao, grenadine, Baileys)

10 Random Facts About The Object Of My Affection
1) Has two little twin brothers, one of whom he describes as a 'human leech'
2) Spent his gap year teaching English in Israel
3) Favourite programmes are South Park and Star Trek (why?!)
4) Had to get eyebrow re-pierced (ow!)
5) Does Economics, but hates it and is switching to Politics next year
6) Plays the bass guitar
7) Once ate three giant bars of Dairy Milk while watching South Park
8) Believes in the abolition of currency
9) Likes poking babies
10)Is an Eddie Izzard fan and kept quoting him, badly, while electioneering

5 Favourite Places To Go In Canal Street (Or Thereabouts)
1) Poptastic
2) Mantos
3) Baa Bar
4) Vanilla
5) Queer (because Joe works there and he gives you doubles when the bar staff aren't looking)

I really should be in History right now, but I've been to all the tutorials, and besides, we're doing Hitler and I already studied him in GCSE History. I've missed 2 lectures due to being in Coventry and seeing Space, and anyway Steve and Duncan have missed a lot more than I have. And I'm going to go to all my tutorials and lectures and seminars like a good little girly. Even if I've gotten trashed the night before.
Here cometh a ghey parody.

Gimme yr tired, gimme yr poor yearning to be free
From the elections - why didn't I get LGBT?
Give me Granger, give me Byron, give me Burrett, Lee and then
Give me a recount so I can electioneer again

Matthew - you're the Swizz's least favourite Jew
Matthew - I think I'm in love with you
Matthew - believe me, I'd do you because
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do anything

Give me honest candidates
Give me fit Jewish men
Give me the post I rightfully deserved again
Give me Custard posters
Get me in a tizz
Oh please god don't make me sit with the Swizz

Give me Jagermeister, absinthe
Give me Afterschock times two
Ant Parkin's not too happy 'cos I'm sitting with the Jews
Give me one reason why I should vote ISoc
For every single position when there's better candidates
Give me an appeal from the LGBT
Oh god I can't believe the Megalomaniac actually beat me

Matthew - you're the Swizz's least favourite Jew
Matthew - I think I'm in love with you
Matthew - believe me, I'd do you because
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do anything

Give me honest candidates
Give me fit Jewish men
Give me the post I rightfully deserved again
Give me Custard posters
Get me in a tizz
Oh please god don't make me sit with the Swizz

Give me a new campaign slogan
I've got Bagpuss on the brain
The election's nearly done, thank god, it's driving me insane
The count for Campaigns and Publicity's only just begun
And well I'll be, I don't believe it! Matthew Granger's won!
Don't give me curries with the Swizz
They make me want to hurl
Club Moose is the destination
For this bitter riot grrl

Matthew - you're the Swizz's least favourite Jew
Matthew - I think I'm in love with you
Matthew - believe me, I'd do you because
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do anything

Give me honest candidates
Give me fit Jewish men
Give me the post I rightfully deserved again
Give me Custard posters
Get me in a tizz
Oh please god don't make me sit with the Swizz