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Autism (NB for anyone who goes on Kittyradio, I've edited it to make it look less retarded, I like to use caps in here.)

I know it's been done in Issues (NB: for non-Kittyradio people, this is a forum about politics and serious matters such as abortion and animal rights) but as this is the psychological among other things forum I thought I'd start it here.
I'm mildly autistic. I was diagnosed at the age of 10, but I'd shown signs earlier when I refused to play with other kids, screamed whenever men with beards came in the room (thank god I'm not like that now or I'd have to watch System with closed eyes!) and spoke in a monotonous voice. My mum also thought I had dyspraxia cos I couldn't walk down stairs properly, I couldn't - and still can't - ride a bike, and I hold my pen funny. (NB: I didn't.) The reason why I was diagnosed at the age of 10 was cos my dad died in 1993 and I started acting up. I got really neurotic when unexpected things happened; eg when my teacher was ill and a stand-in took her place, I got really upset and had to go to the other class. I also scratched myself a lot and was really hypersensitive. I can't remember exactly how I got diagnosed, I think it was due to my inability to reason. At first people thought I was Aspergers because I'm pretty intelligent, although I'm good at languages, not maths and science like most autistics, but later when I was in therapy my therapist discovered I was just a mild autistic.
I used to have a lot of problems with friends and going to senior school was a nightmare as I had not a clue how to interact with people. I got bullied a lot and stabbed in the back by people I thought were my friends, but I couldn't tell that they were bullshitting me. I also couldn't understand sarcasm or irony. The fact that I was an ugly kid and I didn't have a boyfriend didn't help - I was bulimic for a bit because so many people told me I was ugly and fat that I believed them. I also tried to commit suicide by overdosing when I was 13. I truly believed I was a worthless piece of shit.
I am getting better, I have a few close friends and I've had a few relationships, but the autism hasn't gone away. The signs I have are:
- I'm very anal and I like routine. Not that I don't like nice surprises but it gets a bit where I HAVE to do something at a certain time. Also, my mum has a thing about moving furniture and it really does my head in, particularly as I actually felt physically sick when she moved my wardrobe. It was pretty weird.
- When something out of the ordinary happens, I feel panicky and scared. Like with fire alarms.
- I still can't tell when people are being sarky, and this caused me to get into a massive fight with one of my flatmates.
- I have an obsessive personality. I used to be obsessed with Space for a bit, now I get obsessed with people.
- I can't lie.
- I self-harm - apparently a lot of autistics do this.
- I can't think laterally, only literally. I do German Lit as part of my course and I find it difficult as there is more chance of Graham Norton marrying Jordan than there is of being able to do a detailed analysis of Kafka!
- I find small talk hard. I also don't think about certain things like offering to make someone a coffee when I want one. It just doesn't occur to me.

DO NOT MENTION RAIN MAN. I have seen that film and it is a pile of tripe.
Oh and I have to mention this...I'M GOING TO LONDON TO SEE SPACE!!!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
fearthemelon
Feb. 11th, 2004 07:23 pm (UTC)
never say you're ugly.
If you look in the mirror and see Michael Jackson, THAT is when you should worry.

I haven't seen rainman but it sounds unrealistic. However, i highly reccomend "the curious incident of the dog at night time" even though its fiction.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )