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Rob rocks

Warning: I am going to break my normal habit of being a cynical old cow and get all sentimental on yr arses.
Yesterday I had to do one of the most painful things I've ever done: say goodbye to Rob.
I think I posted about him earlier on this journal, saying how much I was going to miss him. I don't want to get all soppy on you, o faithful readers, if you exist (ha!) but he IS my best friend, one of the few people in this shithole that I can talk to, who understands me, who relates to me, who, despite being a pro-war Christian who likes dance music and designer labels, is on my wavelength.
From the school newspaper, to being stood up by Hayley Constantine at the bowling alley, to Rob dating Helen, to me losing my virginity in the Krazyhouse toilet and Rob lending me money to buy the morning after pill the next day, to watching Blackburn beat Everton on a grey day, to (---), to Rob getting into 6th form and me leaving school, with various phone calls, true confessions, nights out, helping each other with homework, comparing the annoyingness of our little brothers and fights on the way, we've had a great five years together (it's hard to believe I met him when he was 13 and I was 14).
Last night we went to the Al Quaraish for an Indian and I got pissed on absinthe; Rob tried it and couldn't breathe for about three seconds. Evidently, it had burned the living shit out of his mouth and throat. Got home, dashed upstairs to avoid Nicky and Georgia (they weren't there, but you can't be too careful). I finally got Rob to sign my old school shirt; he wrote 'Don't let the bastards grind you down'. I intended to perform The Fake Sound Of Fighting, but forgot totally as Rob wrapped his arms round me and we lay on my bed for about 45 minutes, me not daring to speak because I didn't want to ruin the ambience. I lay there with my head on Rob's body with his heart beating in my ear while he messed around with my hair. It was so beautiful and painful. I only wish I could have stopped the clock.
Ten minutes before he went, I cried, and Rob had to calm me down. I think he was about to start crying but he was pretty restrained. We stood in the hallway waiting for his taxi. The moment I'd been dreading arrived when it turned up and Rob had to go. He took my letter (I won't bore you with what was in it) home, along with his De'Lacy vinyl that I'd bought him from Oxfam. As soon as he'd left, I went upstairs, lay on my bed, put the Sugababes on and cried my eyes out. I thought I'd never stop. Maybe I'll look back on this and think "Bloody hell, Lottie, you sad idiot" but for now, I feel weird, like my arm has been cut off.
My eyes are beginning to fill. I'll shut up now. Meh.
I'm going to dedicate these Hole lyrics to Rob:
"If you live through this with me, I swear that I would die for you"

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
sassygirl
Sep. 17th, 2003 07:26 pm (UTC)
I wish I had a close friend like that. I did, Mariana and Sam but we've kinda grown apart now which I think is for the best. I still have some really good friends but ironically, i've only known them through the internet, but they're still good friends.

I think you and Rob were lucky to have each other!
and it's nice to be sentimental sometimes otherwise all your emotions will go wonky or something!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )